The Madman with a Box
by Lumione
Summary: The Doctor, bored and lonely, decides to investigate the Wizarding World. I am taking Harry Potter canon and feeding it to my cat.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Harry Potter or Doctor Who-or anything else, really. Woe is me :(

**Author's Note: **I started writing this story for my bff while she was at Boot Camp, to cheer her up. I do not actually know anything about Doctor Who; I am writing this to make my friend laugh. If you find any glaring errors, point them out (politely, please) and unless they're too closely entwined with the plot to fix, I'll fix them.

Speaking of plot...this is not the story I started writing. Somewhere along the way, I lost my mind, and what was intended to be Year Five, just with The Doctor and Sirius not dying, turned into...this. Don't take it too seriously; I'm certainly not :P

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**Chapter One: Harry Makes a New Friend**

It was warm for a November night. More like a July or August night, really. There was a slight breeze, though, that kept the night from becoming uncomfortable. Most people, once they'd decided to go to bed, hadn't had any trouble falling asleep.

Most people.

Harry scowled as he tossed another stone into the lake. It skipped once, then dropped to the bottom of the lake, causing his scowl to deepen.

After the events of the summer—the Dementor attack, the trial, having to clean bloody 12 Grimmauld Place—he should be happy—no, ecstatic—to be back at Hogwarts. The Wizarding World, for all its quirks and faults, usually felt more like home than anywhere else ever had.

Not this year. Finding out about the lies The Daily Prophet was printing had been a blow, but seeing his classmates, his Housemates—people he had thought of as his friends—look at him with fear and distrust in their eyes, had hurt worse. Much worse.

Glaring even more fiercely just thinking about it, Harry picked up another stone to throw.

_VROOP VROOP_

Whirling to face the Forbidden Forest, he strained his eyes, trying to spot whatever had made such a weird sound. He'd never heard anything like it before. As the sound of snapping twigs and wordless grumbling became louder—"wordless" because though he could hear someone speaking, he couldn't make out what they were saying—Harry dropped the stone and yanked his wand out of his back pocket, aiming it in the general direction of where the sounds were coming from.

"Who's there?" Harry called, just as a man broke out of the last line of underbrush and exited the Forest.

His hair was brown, as far as Harry could tell in the fading light, and was quite a mess, much like the wizard's own. He was wearing, of all things, a pair of blue jeans with a plaid button down shirt, a brown tweed jacket, and a red bow tie. He looked rather like a Muggle—no wizard Harry'd ever met would've been able to put together such a "normal" outfit—but how could a Muggle have found his way onto school grounds?

The man looked around, excitement and awe dancing madly across his face—and soon he himself was dancing madly, too, like a little child let loose in a toy store. Harry couldn't help but smile.

After a few moments, the man spotted him and came striding eagerly forward. "Hello!" he exclaimed, thrusting his hand out and smiling widely, "I'm The Doctor!"

Harry stared at him for a few moments. He didn't feel like a threat—after so many years fighting evil, Harry felt he'd developed a sort of sixth sense for it. And this man, strange as he seemed, didn't strike him as evil.

"Harry Potter," he eventually replied, shaking the man's hand and wondering what it meant that the man apparently hadn't recognized him. "I'm sorry, but—you said your name's 'The Doctor'?"

Who the bloody hell names their kid "The Doctor"?

"Yep. At least—I think that's what I said." He looked a bit unsure for a moment, then shrugged and smiled. "It's great to finally meet you, Harry—although," The Doctor hesitated for a moment, eyeing him a bit uncertainly, "you do look a bit younger than I'd expected."

"Er, I'm sorry?"

The Doctor waved his apology away. "It's hardly your fault. Your relatives—hang on," he interrupted himself. "What year is it?"  
"1995," Harry replied, confused.

The Doctor just stared at him for a few moments, a look of complete bewilderment on his face. "Really? Are you sure? Huh," he continued, not giving Harry time to answer, "that's odd. Oh well, see you in a few years, I suppose." He grinned and shook Harry's hand again. "It was nice to meet you, Harry. Take care of yourself, okay?" He then turned and strolled off back into the Forest.

Harry stood there for a minute or two, staring after him and wondering what the bloody hell had just happened.

The Sorting Hat hadn't placed him in Gryffindor for nothing, though, so eventually he snapped out of it and started jogging towards the forest. It wasn't just that he wanted to know what was going on; Harry didn't really think the strange man he'd just met would be able to defend himself against any monsters he came across. He seemed to be flying a few sticks short of a broom.

**~o~o~**

Despite The Doctor's head start, it wasn't hard for Harry to catch up to him. The man didn't seem to be in any particular hurry, and wasn't even trying to be quiet. Harry heard his inarticulate muttering long before he saw him.

"You know," Harry began, breathing a bit heavily as he rejoined The Doctor, "it's really not a good idea to go wandering around the Forest by yourself."

"Oh? You should've stayed by the lake, then," The Doctor replied, glancing at him and grinning. "I'm not going to be around to walk you back."

"About that…where exactly do you think you're going? There's nothing in this direction but more forest."

"Actually, there is something besides forest in this direction."

"Really? And what's that?"

The Doctor didn't say anything, just grinned again and gestured for Harry to walk ahead of him.

A few moments later, Harry found himself wondering if he was the one who'd lost his mind.

He was in a small, roughly circular clearing, staring at what appeared to be an old-fashioned telephone box, painted blue and with the words "Police Public Call Box" painted across the top. It had a lantern perched on the roof, and both it and the box were glowing slightly. He wasn't sure what to make of it; who would put a telephone box here, of all places?

Though, if there was one place where people often needed to call for help…

"This is the TARDIS-the Time and Relative Dimension in Space machine." The Doctor explained, strolling over and patting the side of the box fondly. "We've been on many adventures together. Hopefully I'll get tell you about some of them when I get back." Grinning mischievously at Harry, he added, "Maybe we'll even have a few of our own."

Harry didn't answer right away, too busy gaping at him. After a few moments, he shook his head. "Hermione's going to kill me; she hates it when I sneak out and fall asleep somewhere."

The Doctor laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. "Sometimes I think I'm dreaming, too, until I realize that I'm not. Start thinking up times and places you'd like to visit, Harry. I'll take you to them when I get back." Then, with a friendly wave and yet another smile, he pushed the box's door open and walked inside.

Harry stood there, watching, as the box shimmered, shuddered, and slowly faded away. In a few moments, it was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:**Yay reviews! Lol thank you so much, reading your reviews and knowing that you like this story enough to say so made my day :) Also, I forgot to say so last chapter, but thanks and much love to my awesome beta, Ash, who also happens to be the friend I'm writing this fic for :) She doesn't have time to read/review everything I write, but she's very good about answering all my questions about the Doctor Who verse :)

I feel I should probably mention that while I will try to update at least once a week, life happens, and even when it doesn't, I'm really, really bad about keeping to a schedule. Feel free to poke me and hurry me up if I take too long, but don't freak out too badly or anything ^_^

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**Chapter Two: So Aliens *Do* Exist!**

Harry stood there for a minute or so after the TARDIS disappeared, still trying to make sense of everything.

One minute he'd been standing by the lake, indulging in a bit of a sulk, as he liked to do. The next, a strange man in a bow tie waltzed out of the Forbidden Forest, shook his hand, and disappeared in a time machine/spaceship that looked like a telephone box.

It sounded like something he'd see on the telly.

Suddenly, the air in front of him started shimmering again, and after a few moments, the TARDIS reappeared. The doors opened, and The Doctor stuck his head out. Upon spotting Harry, he frowned. "What year is it?"

"1995, same as it was when you left."

"That's…not good." He ducked his head back inside. The TARDIS shimmered again, started to fade…and then came back.

The Doctor stuck his head out again. "Still 1995?"

"Yeah."

"Very not good." The Doctor sighed, then opened the door more fully. "Come on in and give me a hand?"

"I don't know anything about fixing a TARDIS. Or, well, fixing things in general."

"Don't worry, there's nothing to it. Just hand me things and act impressed." The Doctor replied with a grin, stepping back and allowing the young wizard to enter.

Harry felt his jaw drop the second he stepped inside.

It was bigger—much bigger—on the inside, rather like those tents he and the Weasleys had stayed in during the World Cup. Instead of a kitchen/living room/dining room, however, Harry found himself walking into a…he didn't even know what to call it.

A number of circular glowing lights lit up the walls, emitting a soft orange glow, while a bluish-glow surrounded the big, glowing tube thing in the centre of the room. The tube rose up from a hole in the floor and seemed to go straight through the ceiling; it seemed to have something like a control panel running around it, and what looked vaguely like a television set hanging from the top. A metal platform was built around the tube, with several sets of stairs leading up to it from different directions. There were a couple of chairs scattered around the platform as well, and a set of stairs leading from the platform up to somewhere else.

"I don't think I'm going to have to pretend to be impressed."

The Doctor smiled widely at that. "Glad to hear it! Most people do find it impressive, but you get the odd one here and there who barely seems to notice how cool this is. I wasn't sure if you'd be one of them; you've had such an exciting life of your own."

"Nothing quite like this, though. How does it all work?"

"It's…complicated." The Doctor had wiggled his way into the pit of wires underneath the platform and was trying to pry two of the wires apart. "Hand me the atomic particle resonator, will you?"

"The what?"

"That thing on the floor behind you, with the three prongs on the end."

Harry turned around, and noticed several…things, which apparently were tools of some kind, scattered about the floor several feet away. He ran over, grabbed the atomic whatever thingie, and ran back to The Doctor, who had suddenly acquired goggles.

"Cheers, Harry." It emitted a low buzzing sound as he ran it over the wires.

"Can you give me a sort of "Idiot's Guide to the TARDIS" explanation?" Harry asked after a few minutes of handing The Doctor things and watching as he pulled everything apart, rearranged it, and put it back together. "I'd love to know how this stuff works."

"Hm. I can try, I suppose. Run up to the console and pull the red lever, will you? The one next to the big green button on the left hand side."

It was a good thing he'd added that description, Harry thought as he did as he was asked. There were a lot of red levers on the console.

"Excellent, thank you! Now, the first thing you need to know," The Doctor said as Harry rejoined him below the platform, "is that I am a Time Lord. Not a human. Time Lords travel through time as well as space, exactly as advertised." He fiddled with a few dials on a metal box that Harry had hit his head on earlier. "The TARDIS is, well, I suppose calling her a 'time machine' is the simplest explanation, but honestly, it doesn't do the old girl justice." He tapped the metal box fondly, and a flurry of sparks emitted from it, causing The Doctor to wince.

"I could tell you what all of the various buttons and dials and levers do, of course, but we'd be here for a few weeks and you'd never remember it all anyway. Basically, I poke things and the TARDIS goes places. Not always the places I mean to go, but honestly, not knowing where I'm going to end up is half the fun."

Harry laughed. "I can imagine. What's the point of me thinking up places to go, then, if there's no guarantee we'll even get there?"

"You never know, it might happen. It'll give us a place to start, at least." The Doctor grinned, then pulled himself up from where he'd been sitting and strolled over to Harry. "Right then! Thanks for all your help, don't mean to be rude, but I need you to get out of the TARDIS before I am responsible for introducing you to your future self."

"I understand," Harry replied, smiling a little. He did still remember Hermione's speech about Time Turners, after all. "It was nice to meet you, Doctor," he continued, shaking The Doctor's hand, then turning to leave. "And I guess I'll see you in a few years."

"Something like that, anyway. Take care of yourself, Harry."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note:** Sorry this took so long, and is so much shorter. I had some trouble writing this scene, and Ash was unable to beta it, so I took some extra time making sure I got it as close to exactly right as I think I'm capable of :P The next few chapters will probably be unbeta'd, just to see if I can do it and can stop bothering Ash as much as I do, so if you can spare the extra few minutes to write me a review I would greatly appreciate it :D

**Update 10/3/2012:** Hello everyone! I'm not dead, and neither is this story :D I wrote Chapter Four-which took awhile, due to some things going on in Real Life-went back to edit it, and realized one of the characters wasn't really in character, so I am not trying to fix it. This could potentially have me re-writing about 2/3 of the story, so it might take awhile. I didn't want to leave you guys hanging indefinitely, with no explanation, so I thought I'd leave this note. I'll do my best to have the next chapter up soon :D

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**Chapter Three: The TARDIS is Up to Something**

The Doctor stared fondly after Harry as he walked through the TARDIS's doors. He hadn't been expecting to meet the young wizard, but he was really glad he had.

After saying goodbye to The Ponds and dropping them off in 21st century London, The Doctor had wandered aimlessly for awhile. He'd visited a few of his favourite places, dropped in on a couple of old friends…but as much fun as travelling throughout time and space always was, it just wasn't the same without someone to talk to, to share it with, to explain things to and watch their eyes light up with joy and wonder…

The idea to try to go to Hogwarts had just sort of popped into his head one day. He'd managed to learn a bit about the Wizarding World during his many trips to Earth, though he'd never had a witch or a wizard as his companion. He'd never had the time to find out more, either, always too busy saving the world, solving mysteries, and running around getting people killed…

The Doctor shook himself from his thoughts and walked back over to the console. Taking out his sonic screwdriver, he half-heartedly waved it around a few times. "Come on, old girl," he muttered, starting the power up sequence again. "Let's get going to where we're supposed to be."

The TARDIS made the happy, electronic sounds it always made right before it took off…except, once again, it didn't actually go anywhere.

"You really don't want me to go anywhere else, do you? But why? What's going on? What's so important about this time and place that means I have to be here?"

The TARDIS replied by opening her doors in a rather pointed manner.

With a sigh, The Doctor took her suggestion and walked back into the clearing. He made sure, as he left, to lock the doors and set the TARDIS into invisibility mode. The last thing he needed was some curious magical being poking their nose where it didn't belong.

Harry was still in the clearing. "That didn't fix it?" he asked, sounding somewhere between amused and worried.

"Nope. Looks like you're stuck with me for awhile longer."


End file.
